I’m a night person. There’s no doubt about it. And, according to very reliable sources, I have been this way since birth. I’ve sent memos out, but the rest of the world has yet to modify their schedule to coincide with the hours in which I am most productive. My clone, while good to have around when an extra liver is needed, would be useless in this regard as he would prefer to sleep the day away while I do all the work. Furthermore, my attempts at post-natal gene modification of my peer group (tried to inject bat DNA into co-workers) didn’t yield the results I was hoping for, and now the girl in HR just looks at me funny. Alas, I’m forced to modify my schedule to coincide with the rest of you day-walkers. (I’m a giver… I know).
Unfortunately for me… I’m up till all hours of the night because my brain decides to finally join the rest of my body around midnight. This, in turn, results in me losing about 2 to 5 hours of sleep each night. By Friday morning I often find myself getting kicked off the subway on my way to work because I resemble the living dead.
To date, the best solution I have found to this problem (that doesn’t include using my friends as guinea pigs) has been caffeine. The only downside to this solution is the logistics and ramp up time it takes to get said chemical into my bloodstream. Walking around the office dragging an intravenous caffeine drip once again drew the ire of human resources. To make matters worse, this ramp up time is wrought with all sorts of external stimulus that requires the use of my higher brain functions, namely speech.
In the spirit of single-handedly killing flying mammals I found an interactive portable caffeine container that also wards off those early morning requests without having to strain anything other than my basic motor functions. It’s called a mug. But not just any mug. Usually a mug in my hand combined with an eyeball dangling from my skull is enough to repel the early morning onslaught. But, some still require that I spell things out for them.
In beautiful eggshell white helvetica font is my canned response for all the ‘how-to’ requests that are asked of me prior to moonrise…. RTFM.
Shameless plug disclaimer:
From time to time I will use my webspace to touch on geek-ware or services that I find interesting. While I’m not getting paid to hock these wears at the moment, steps are being taken to allow for referral links that would generate a small commission for me on certain products. In light of this, and to assure everyone I’m not just a greedy capitalist pig, I will only provide these referral links for widgets and gadgets that I actually own and have purchased with my own hard earned money, or if it is something I really want (Christmas list page coming soon). I will always distinguish between the stuff I own and endorse by providing a video or still shot showing me with said product. Feel free to flame at will.